Cassi is an ADPi and is also one of our house ministry leaders. Last Wednesday, Cassi led a bible with another one of our student leaders, Ben, on The Bleeding Woman in Mark 5:21-43. Cassi was born and raised going to church and she classified herself as a Christian upon coming to college. What’s beautiful about Cassi’s story is seeing how even someone raised with a Christian background can have moments where they realize they have deep struggles and/or they listen/believe lies about themselves that prevent them from fully living into the freedom God gives us.
We had a chance to debrief how the leading went for the Greek IV bible study and the Holy Spirit was totally moving in her heart. As we were talking about ways we can improve our leading, God began to reveal insecurities and burdens that were bothering Cassi. She began to cry as she was sharing how she’s felt the need to be perfect, to meet everyone’s expectation and how she feels like a failure if she couldn’t appease either of those. This is also the same she viewed Jesus. She confessed that she had not been surrendering her life completely because she didn’t want to fail Him. She felt like she had a reputation/identity that she didn’t like with her friends from home and even from some of her sorority sisters. She’s been following Jesus from afar but always felt like she didn’t deserve his love. She said,
“I am the bleeding woman in this story, only I don’t know if I have enough faith to touch his cloak.”
After an hour long conversation, we realized that there were barriers that prevented her from wanting to pray and make that adult decision/commitment to follow Jesus.
I invited her to have a deeper, healing experience with the Lord. We did listening prayer and I asked her to share all of the places where she feels shame, guilt and pain. I asked her to share the barriers that prevented her from wanting to touch Jesus’ cloak. Cassi confessed to the Lord what had been burdening her – scars from her upbringing, academic struggles, problems with friends, not feeling worthy enough – she laid it all out to the Lord and told God how it made her feel about herself.
I asked her to listen for Jesus to tell her how he feels about those things and how he feels about her.
In the silence she heard Lord say to her, “Cassi, I love you. I accept you!”
After this moment, Cassi cried harder after experiencing God’s love! She had lots of emotions going on at that point, but she was definitely excited and the Lord gave her a new understanding of her identity in Christ. At that moment she wanted to pray to solidify an adult decision to follow Jesus with this newfound understanding of grace!
Praise the Lord! It’s so wonderful to see the way our leaders are growing in their own faith as they are teaching and no matter where we are in our spiritual journeys, the Lord continues to bring deeper healing! You can read her testimony in the Student Highlights section of my blog.